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The Tickler

When Alice Weatherspoon fancied a bit of tree. In 10 years of fishing that stretch
fish for her tea, she didn’t go to of river Alice had never even seen a
the fishmonger’s or the chip shop, warden, but she knew the type.
she went down to the river to catch her ‘Excuse me Madam, could I see your
own. Mind you if the river warden were to fishing licence?’ the man asked.
catch her fishing without a licence it ‘And who might you be?’
would have cost her a pretty penny, the ‘I am the river warden and you need
fines were ridiculous and could be as a licence to fish here.’
high as £2,500. ‘That’s alright then,’
It would have been an easy job for Alice said Alice. ‘I’m not
to get a licence, but she refused too on fishing.’
principle. The Environment Agency issued ‘But, you have been Madam and that
the rod fishing licences and since she is an offence, and liable to a
was a trout tickler and didn’t own fine.’
a rod, Alice refused to pay for a ‘I didn’t know that, but
licence. She learnt the art of trout it’s OK since I haven’t been
tickling from her father when she was a fishing.’
girl. Her father had learned it from his ‘If that’s the case, Madam,
father, who had turned to poaching as a why have you got two trout in that
means of feeding his family, during the bucket?’
strike of 26. ‘Ah them, well, that one is Mavis
Well, last Friday Alice made her way down and that one’s Mary they’re
to the river Wear, bucket in hand, to my pets and I bring them down to the
catch a bit of fish and unlike Lampton river every day so they can get some
she wasn’t after a worm, she was exercise.’
after a nice pair of trout for her tea. ‘That is the most ridiculous thing
Her mother had been a regular churchgoer I have ever heard.’
and despite Alice’s lack of ‘No it’s not. What I do is, I
interest in organised religion, she tip the fish into the river down there,
always had to have fish for her tea on a take a walk up there, until I get to the
Friday. bridge, then I put the bucket in the
Her favourite pitch was upstream from water, tap the side with my stick and
Penshaw, on a quiet stretch a few yards Mavis and Mary swim back into the
beyond the bridge that carries the A182 bucket.’
across the Wear Valley. On reaching the ‘I don’t believe a word of
spot she half filled her bucket with it,’ said the warden. ‘You
water, rolled up her sleeve and lay on must think I’m stupid.’
the bank with her arm in the water. An ‘Look, I’ll prove it to
hour later her patience was rewarded as you,’ said Alice and she tipped the
she scooped out the first trout and trout into the river.
placed it in the bucket, twenty minutes ‘Right,’ said the warden.
later the second one joined the first and ‘ Now, lets see you get the fish to
she was ready to leave. swim back into the bucket.’
Picking up the bucket, she set off for ‘What fish would that be?’
home and had gone no more than 50 yards Asked Alice innocently.
when the warden stepped out from behind a




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